The feeling of uncertainty grows as time passes…What should I do? I asked myself often. Should I throw in the towel? If I throw in the towel then I would feel like giving up.

On the other hand, the time I have been having with my family is really precious and cannot be measured in monetary term. I get to engage with all my children and also get to discuss many issues with my wife. I really get to engage in many facets of family life during this season. Nothing will ever worth better then this period.

Even though at times I feel the strain financially, I am able to say that I am blessed.

One little note here: I have also learned much from God. Many lessons pertaining this season of my life …leadership, husband, father, Godly man, authority and power from God, daughter and son issues, and some other surprise issues such as : behaviors of people around me, how easily people can be swayed or influenced, and off course how unwisely stubborn people can be…and also a painful experience of betrayal.

What else is ahead…

Waiting to see the promise to come through….

My wife thinks that this is to prepare me for training in the third world country. Hmmm…I think she is right. I am just looking forward to establishing my position as trainer soon at the same time also working towards establishing my own training business too…there is much to learn in this journey.

It does gets a bit down and discourage when things are not moving as fast as I want it to be.

This is a corporate training business. I am still in the process of pulling all the parts together eg. development of the training materials, website, business cards, business development plan, etc…

I am also in the process of talking with a training company to be their trainer also. I hope this will turn out good.

In the mean time I will keep my focus on completing my ACTA certification this July. I have this gut feeling that I will be busy soon enough from this July onward.

During this period of waiting, there were many a times that I wounder if I heard God right, did I obey the correct voice, did I read God’s promises right? So many questions blasted at me. I am sure God knows my current situation and what I need. However, I can’t help but wonder when will He answer my prayers.

I try my best to stay focus on what I have planned to do…to complete my ACTA course on time, get my business started and moving, get my training materials up and ready, get my company website going, print business card and introductory promotion flyers, registration my domain name, etc, etc…, but I must admit that it is roller coaster feeling too.

I need an assuring sign from heaven to tell me I am on the right direction. But perhaps, this is time to act and start working….the work and faith partnership.

I will press on.

The story is about a teacher’s experience of not judging student by their appearance but to take time to understand and love the student. You can hear the story here http://www.makeadifferencemovie.com/ or you can watch this video here

To me, it is more this story says, to me it is about taking time to know the person. Because, knowing where that person comes from can shape your perspective of that person and thus building relationship or encouraging growth. I do that this story or the video would be a catalyst to shape how you see people differently.

As for me, I have learned to see my wife, my three children, people in my cell group,and people around me differently.

By God’s grace I will rise up – for my wife, my children, my parents (now that I know my mother-in-law is not well), and for my dear heavenly Father .  Although, I am determined not to stay knocked down.. thoug the pain is unbearable.  

There were many issues that happen which I don’t understand.  I did not purposely make it happen.  I can only say that I am guilty of  not knowing and not been able to meet the expectations of many but I definitly did not purposely cause pain to others.  I am not giving excuses or running away; however it is very emotionally draining to live day-in and day-out thinking if I have passed the exam of expectation every day.

I have learned recently that as a husband and father, the buck stop with me, I am fully responsible for all happening in my family (good and bad), I have to take all in and not to complain, and I must stay on….However, I have also been reminded not to walk alone but to talk to the one closest to me….to brainstorm, to have breakthrough, basically for help.  

Yes, God has granted me 2nd chance and I really appreciate Him for this.  In the process of walking through this 2nd chance journey, I have encountered some wake-up calls in my life (showing my weaknesses) and I want to make good on these wake-up calls.  But I have also learned that it is not easy to make-good of these wake-up calls.  Believe me, I have tried and will not give up trying.  But everytime I thought I have make some positive progress, then the hits would come in and throw me off in a roller coster of emotional discouragement, and the hits are getting stronger and hard to predict.  As I am writing this, I am holding my tears….I love these people very much (I am incapable of love to this extend except God is doing this through me)  and I just don’t understand this whole thing.

There were times that I ask if they know that I am hurting inside?  But, I stop of thinking furthur because I am the warrior and therefore I must take it in…all.  

Father, I promise that I will be the warrior, the king, the mentor, and the friend that you want me to be.  This is a difficult journey but this is my destiny you have set for me.  This is my destiny.

It has always my desire to built a close family.  Actually, not just a close nitted family but a Godly family.  Hence, I have embarked on the journey to seek for a vision for my family. And then I realise that to have a vision I need to know what’s mine.  And I found out this is dicovering of my destiny.  Well it makes sense to me.  Once I know my destiny then the vision comes.  Talk is easy. But I am determine to wait upon God to show me all these.  

In walking down this process, there were many quetions evolved.  I don’t think I will be able to get all these questions answered but I know as I seek Him, I am more closer and closer to Him. 

Well, I realise that whenever I start walking close to God, challenges come along too.  There are too many challenges now.  However, I will ride through this by His grace.

Dear Lord, I will keep my ear in tune to your words and my heart to your heart beats.

These days I can say that I am feeling like riding on the eagle’s wings. All I can do is to hang on to it’s wings, so fearful to let go of my hands. I can’t imagine sitting on the wings, because it most probable too dangerous to be sitting up on the wings. I am more incline to say that I am on prone holding on the wings; actually to be more accurate – I am more like hanging to me dear life at times. I guess the value comes from the rides on the wings and not arriving at the destination. Thus, God is interested in using the journey to sharpen and grow my characters and not the arriving itself.